Apple might actually be doomed if Siri misses another deadline

Remember enhanced Siri? Apple first announced it in June of 2024 and planned to deliver it in an update to iOS 18, but it never did.

You might be forgiven for thinking now that it will never get here. Even for wondering whether or not it’s worth carrying on and whether anything ever means anything anymore in this crazy, mixed-up world. If we cannot trust the word of a $4 trillion company, what can we trust? Our friends and loved ones? Have you seen those people? Uncle Jed insists that stew is a fifth state of matter that exists between solids and liquids.

At least now we know why Aunt Jan drinks so much.

At any rate, fear not, comrades! All is well, because Chairman Cook announced during Thursday’s conference call with analysts that enhanced Siri is still theoretically supposedly coming in 2026 to an iPhone near you! Huzzah!

We’re also excited for a more personalized Siri. We’re making good progress on it, and as we’ve shared, we expect to release it next year.

What a heartwarming and tepidly reassuring statement in these uncertain times. The Macalope, for one, will definitely be toying with the idea of maybe possibly thinking about getting excited about it for a second or two.

To meet this deadline, Apple might be getting by with a little help from its friends, according to Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman. The new version of Siri could have some help from Google’s Gemini.

Fortunately for Apple product users and fans of privacy, Apple seems to be getting a bespoke version of Gemini rather than funneling requests to Google. So, sort of like eWorld was a licensed version of AOL!

Eeeeeeee.

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The Macalope really hopes that’s a bad example, and it certainly is from the perspective of user base because enhanced Siri will instantly have millions of users while eWorld never gained much traction. But it is likely that enhancements will hit Google Gemini first and Siri second, much as happened with eWorld.

Sure, there are probably more recent examples than one that occurred before both Tom Holland and Zendaya were even born, that’s just the first thing that occurred to the Macalope, okay?

Gurman adds:

…there’s no guarantee users will embrace it, that it will work seamlessly or that it can undo years of damage to the ‌Siri‌ brand.

Good expectation setting. Thanks for that.

“I just want to be clear, this could suck, OK?” We got it, Mark. We’ve used Siri before, so… you know.

While Cook wanted to assure analysts and investors that enhanced Siri was on track, he also admitted that the company is always on the lookout for even more help. You know, just in case.

We also continually surveil the market on M&A and are open to pursuing M&A if we think that it will advance our roadmap.

Indeed, Apple has lost so many AI executives to Meta and other companies that it might have to acquire an AI company just to get some butts back in the seats. That department probably can’t even field a company softball team.

“Tell the Time Machine team we have to forfeit again.”

A thing the Macalope has not understood throughout this is that Apple is famously the company that is behind on AI. Why would Meta want to poach executives from a company that failed to deliver? Makes no sense.

Whatever, that’s Meta’s problem.

An enhanced, more conversational Siri has to be high on the list of user requests. While AI in general is a real mixed bag — Google included — and people are unlikely to stop buying iPhones over it, Apple has promised to deliver not once but twice.

Miss it again and the company might get a rep.